15

After what hessa told me,

I really didn't know how will i be telling my brother. Actually i have no idea how will i be starting.

I waited for him to come and pick me up, i'm going to ask him in the car i think it is better.

Moments later i saw my brother stop his car in front of me. I hopped in and anxiety broke its way into me. 

I buckled up my courage and went for it, "a-abdulrahman?" I stuttered but i managed to say something.

Hmm was all he said and kept his eyes locked on the road.

"Shloun et3rf um hessa?" I asked. 

He kept silent, it almost feels like he ignored me and i could see his anger grow, but i asked again and just before i finished he hushed me up, and told me he didn't want to speak of it. 

Well that's a fail. 

But i am determined to get it out of him whether it's the last thing i do. 

So after lunch i hurried after him which is basically the craziest thing i have ever done he has a horrible temper after lunch and all he does is sleep. 

I started showering him with questions again, but he yelled at me and kicked me out of his room. 

Well i saw that coming.

This mission so far is a failure. 

I texted hessa about it and so she called me.

"Hello" she said, "hi" i replied.

"Tell me what happened again?" She asked me to re-tell the 'tale'

So i did i told her how he ignored me in the car and how he kicked me out of his room and how he hushed me up every time i tried to get him to tell me something.

She shrugged and said "now what"

"I don't know it is obviously a very sensitive subject to him" i replied.

"I have an idea it is a bit lunatic but it's worth a try" she began.

"What's on your mind?" I asked.

"Remember when we switched places?" She said and i kept quiet waiting for her to proceed.

"Well how about we do that again i'll try to get it out of him, as me not you" she suggested. 

That surly is crazy but worth a try. 

"Okay tomorrow it is" i said and we hung up.

[Hessa's POV]

After we hung up, i began thinking about what will i say and what might happen. What if he gets angry and tells on me.

I really wanted to know this, it feels as if this is an important life changing thing. 

If you think of it, I meeting shaikha, then 3ziz dying and me going to the 5alaf, then my mother and abdulrahman. It sounds like it all links up to something.

Then i remembered that i haven't spoken to d3ay since the last time i saw him. It seems as if i'm ignoring him myself. I went ahead and texted him about me and my little adventure and all of the events that has been going on. 

[D3ay's POV]

I was sleeping, actually all i do here is sleep.  It seems as if i'm in jail and i'm not allowed to do anything, but sleep, eat and wince in pain.

Hessa hasn't spoken to me. I sighed at that thought, she's my only gateway from all this. 

Especially after...

Sigh, lets just say it's bad news.

And lets just say that it seems as if i'm staying longer in the hospital, and that i'll ne transferring to a hospital in dubai.

My mother never left the hospital, but my sister went back to dubai she has university. Well i do too but..

This is just so complicated.

I'm slowly getting depression i hated hospitals, the smell of it, the feeling of nothing but four walls surrounding you. 

I rested my head onto the hospitals soft pillow. Guess it's snooze time again. 

Just as i closed my eyes. my phone buzzed, i jumped off the pillow and reached to my phone hoping it would be hessa this time, she hasn't spoken to me since last time we saw each other.

I had the hugest smile on my face when it was her, i started reading her text, she told me about everything and basically apologised a thousand times for not texting me.

I smiled while reading, but my smile faded. I thought about my medical problems and god were they a lot, i should be telling her, but i couldn't,

Not yet. 

[back to Hessa's POV]

I saw that he went online and went off leaving a last seen. He didn't reply, i'm not sure if he ignored me or he just doesn't want to talk.

I decided to call him, which i did but he didn't answer. I'm worried now, and i think i'll be paying him a visit this friday.

The day passed, i'm still worrying about d3ay and still thinking about what may happen tomorrow. All those thoughts gave me migraine attack and a very unpleasant one too.

The next day, 

i got up and quickly got ready for school. The anxiety and excitement is killing me.

Today i may or may not find out about something big. Why didn't anyone of them want to speak about it, thoughts like those filled my mind and far too many negative ones but i brushed them away trying to focus on the positive and keep my hopes up. 

@TheBlxg_

Questions or comments

http://ask.fm/LaBlogue

14

We went back home.

My mother spoke not a single word.

I kept pushing her to tell me, 

what was that all about..

Her and Abdulrahman.

This is a mystery that i want to discover.

But for now i'm done trying and went upstairs.

I didn't tell shaikha, i wanted to wait until i was at school, i think a face to face confronting is better. she told me she would be there.

So i just changed and slept.

I didn't feel like having dinner.

I closed my eyes and was slowly drowning in my sleep.

Next morning, was quite dull my mother wasn't awake. Typical.

So i had my morning all alone. Again.

I headed to school and all i could think about was to tell shaikha.

I went to the homeroom, finding her there. Thank god no one came yet. 

"Ahlaan" i said with enthusiasm.

"Ahlaain" she replied trying to imitate the way i said it. 

"Okay listen ams lma knt ba6l3 i over heard something." I started.

She looked at me and had a serious face. "What kind of something?" She said.

"It was more like a conversation that i think i wasn't suppose to listen to" I proceeded, "between my mum and your brother, it was so intense and he was raging in fury as he was about to yell."

"Oh my god you're serious?" She said shocked as i can see.

"I'm not kidding i had the same face expression when i heard it, then he went like you're the same old person that i know shay chthe and my mother won't tell me anything." I replied.

"this is serious chan gltely ams chan bas2l o5oi" she said.

"I didn't think he would say anything i don't know he sounded serious and it is as if he hated my mothers guts" 

I replied.

M7md and 9gr entered while laughing.

We both turned around to face them.

We just smiled at them.

I thought about telling them but i'm not quite sure yet. 

"Ahlan blamerat" said 9gr

I giggled at that, he just called us princesses this is cute, i however am not sure if that's a compliment or him being sarcastic. 

There were a few girls with us i could see them giving us glares. 

"Halla halla" i said, and shaikha just smiled. 

"36'm allah ajrch shayou5 3sa mn a5r ela7zan" said m7md, and 9gr just 36'm allah ajrha as they sat next to us.

"Uff mali nfs mdrsa" said 9gr

"Uff aby at5rj bsr3a 6f7 elkyl" replied m7md.

"Shnw btdrson lma tt5rjon?" I asked.

"Ana badrs m7ama" said m7md

Whoaw him, a lawyer, i expected him to say military or something.

"Oh 7elww wnt 9gr?" I asked.

"Madri ll7en ga3d afakr bain 8wa w business" he replied.

"ana aby hndsa" i said.

"Ohh shay elmhndsa, hndsa shnw?" said 9gr.

"M3marya" I replied, "wnty shaikha?"

"6b" said 9gr, m7md and shaikha all together.

I looked at them and laughed because it seems as if she speaks of it alot.

It is so cute how all of them get along like that so well. 

So homeroom ended and no sign of sara yet. I got up took a look at my monday time schedule. 

I got math. Ughh i hate math yet i am so very good at it.

"Oh nfsi ana b3d math" said m7md.

Alright let me give you a quick review over this school. It's an american system. Where you have a specific class but everyone is randomly scattered it's basically luck if you end up with one of your friends, it is just the homeroom that combines us all, but the schedule differs. 

"7elw 3yal you'll be stuck with me" m7md said. 

He was close to me so i freaked out, it isn't normal that a cute guy is this close to me, so he could see my schedule. 

No hessa stop remember d3ay.

Oh my god d3ay. I totally forgot about him yesterday, i didn't talk to him. 

Oh well...

I laughed at m7md's comment though and i said "yala enzain" 

Shaikha has social with sara but she isn't here and 9gr has science.

I feel bad for 9gr because my next class is science and i also have it with m7md. 

So we left for math. I was the math nerd offcourse while m7md just sat there wondering what on earth. 

I won't be surprised he doesn't look like the math genius anyways.

We left class 15 minutes early. 

We went and sat in the schools mini garden m7md wanted to be the first to show me it. I don't understand why this place is so important to him.

The garden was fenced but you could see through its white bars and its gate had a beautiful swirly design at the top. I have to admit..

"It's so beautiful" i stated, as we both sat in one of the benches. 

This garden was so beautiful it has trees planted in every corner, they grew so long and bushy that it makes a roof above us allowing few sun rays to creep inside. Those trees had flowers, rosy pink and few white stripes, in a corner you could see jasmine flowers growing over the long fence and there are about 6 benches scattered around the garden, the wooden benches had beautiful designs on them and suprisingly comfortable for a wooden bench, not a single dirt could be seen it was all covered in clean cut grass and few bushes here and there. It's more like what you might see in a mamsha ( a park ) but minimised.

"Yeah this is our creation, we made it" he said.

"Shnw?" I said suprised.

"Kan elmkan wala shy tara w sara el38l elmdbr galat lazm enswi lah 9rfa y3ni 5thana sntain w 9ar hai elmkan mkana" he explained.

Wow this is amazing.

I didn't expect them to actually care about this place.

I was speechless. So we kept quiet for a while until he broke the silence.

[M7md's POV]

We were silent for a while but i had a question in mind. It has been haunting me for no reason ever since we first met. 

"Hessa?" I started.

"N3m?" She said in her sweet voice.

I was facing straight i felt weird looking at her when asking this question, almost shy to.

"Enty 9ij m56oba?" I asked.

I didn't look at her but i know she's smiling. It has been a speciality in her.

She chuckled and then said "la la"

I lifted my head and faced her.

Without realising i had the hugest smile on my face. Suddenly it felt as if a huge load on my chest has been lifted. I don't know why..

I couldn't be.

[Back to hessa's POV]

I saw his smile grow.

I can't help but smile back.

It feels like he has a thing for me.

And i don't want him to.

I don't want to end up hurting him because of my feelings for d3ay. 

I thought about yesterday and i thought about telling him. I have a feeling he might be of an assistance. 

"Fe shy 9ar ams fl 5alaf" i started.

He looked at me fully focusing on every word.

"Ams sm3t omi w o5w shaikha in an argument, w ma3rf shnw bl9'b6 it was weird but what really caught my attention was when her brother said you're still the same old person that i know shay chthe mat'thkr shnw bl9'b6" i said.

His expression changed from a listening smile to serious.

"3'reeba" was all he said and the bell rang.

"Enzain sm3y chofy fl mw9'oo3 akthr a9'n eny grait fe ktab 3n mw9'oo3 chthe" he said as he got up.

Wait what.

"Wait wait y3ni you know something?" I asked

"La bs a9'n gari fe ktab 3n 89'ya chthe 9ar feha mw mt2kd" he said still holding his serious face.

"I didn't know you read?" I said, without realising that i just spoke my mind out loud, dammit that was suppose to stay in my mind.

He chuckled and said,

"I get that a lot."

I smiled and said "so what novels do you read" he looked at me with a smile for a while then said " i read a lot i have a whole book shelf but sherlock Holmes is my favourite of them all."

I was surprised, more surprised then the fact that he actually reads. 

"7ta ana" i said with enthusiasm.

"7elw wala we have something in common" He said as we reached the classroom.

Throughout the school time all i thought about was to dig deep in this, i wanted to know what was the meaning of what happened yesterday. Currently my only hope is shaikha. if she couldn't, then i don't know who can. 

@TheBlxg_

Questions or comments

http://ask.fm/LaBlogue

13

I chose the plainest abaya i have for 3ziz's 5alaf nothing too fancy. 

I wore it and kept my hair as low a bun can be so it doesn't look big at the back when i wear shaila on.

I looked at myself in the mirror it looks weird, but i liked how i looked with shaila on. It's like all they can see is my face nothing but that all the rest of me is nothing but a hidden treasure, i'm actually considering wearing it.

I went to my mum, she was ready but was really anxious and worried. I could see it. "Yma shfeech?" I asked.

"Mafeni shy 7beebty yala nmshi" she replied. We left our house and headed to where the women 5alaf was, which is shaikha's house because it was big enough for all the guests. 

"Wain el5alaf?" Asked my mother.

"Bait refejty shaikha 3la ma3t8d"

I replied. She just hmm-ed.

We reached her house. This time there was many cars parked. 

We entered and was greeted by shaikha's mother. Her mother had a shocked expression i'm going to guess it's because i look freakishly like her daughter. Which i totally forgot about, it will now officially be very awkward inside. I entered and scanned the place searching for shaikha. There she was sitting next to a lady, someone random i really don't know anyone here. Shaikha looked very pale and very depressed. She lifted her head and a huge smile laid on her face. I greeted everyone and it was more of a "36'm allah ajrkm" chants. I reached to where shaikha sat and gave her the biggest hug i could do.

"36'm allah ajrch 7beebty" i said, 

"Ajrna w ajrch" she had teary eyes but smiled anyways. 

[Hessa's Mother POV]

I sat there motionless. 

I was panicking actually. I shouldn't of come here. I could see his current wife attacking me with her eyes as if i was an unwanted beast among them. 

I wouldn't blame her, i didn't care anyways. I just sat there and talked to the woman next to me. I didn't know her but i just tried to kill time.

I scanned the house, it was big last time i remember the house they lived in was smaller than our living room.

I had to provide hessa a better childhood. Apparently he was able to himself, i'm amazed. it doesn't matter i'm living in luxury now and i'm happy.

 It has been 2 hours i decided we should leave. I couldn't stay any further. 

"Yma hessa gomi" i insisted. 

She looked at me and asked for few more minutes. I agreed but told her only few and that i'll call the driver. 

The driver arrived, so i got up.

"Yala ana bakon flsayara" i said and after giving everyone a farewell i left.

That's when i saw him. 

"Halla halla sharaftena" said my son. 

The son i told hessa that he died.

The son i abandoned when he was young. That's how it stayed for several years now.

I had to i couldn't stay. I couldn't stand that life i was in. I deserved better. I took hessa with me too. 

I choose her randomly because they're twins so it's the same.

"Halla abdulrahman" i said with a smile. 

He looked at me in disgust. 

"Wipe that smile off your face" 

He coldly hissed at me. 

It isn't like i'm his mother.

"E7trm nfsk" i ordered.

"A7trm ely yst78 ele7tram" he said even more colder.

I was shocked by his words, he had all the right, after all he was young and god knows all the trash his father told him about me.

"Shtswen hne?!" He coldly asked more like telling.

"What's going on?" Asked hessa with a shocked expression.

Oh god. She must of heard.

"Hessa 5alnmshi." I ordered.

He hh-ed and said "You have never changed, you're still the same bossy demanding woman that i know" And he turned around and just disappeared in the shadows.

I stood there, frozen.

I was shocked, how much hate he had for me. All these years.

"Yma?" Hessa asked, i could tell how confused she is right now.

"Ensi elmw9'oo3." I said as i went ahead and entered the car.

Hessa kept pushing me to tell her what was going on but i just ignored her.

I didn't know what to say.

I worked hard to keep this a secret.

I didn't want her to know that the person she calls her father isn't even her father.

And it's all so complicated, i wouldn't know how to start and I'm just afraid that i'll lose her after that. 

But sooner or later, she'll find out, 

and it's going to get ugly, i know it.

@TheBlxg_

Questions or comments

http://ask.fm/LaBlogue

12

After my brothers heart warming speech. I got up and done my morning duties consisting of showering, washing my face, brushing my teeth and all the other good stuffs.

I left, prayed and headed downstairs for breakfast. I was greeted by my mother, father and moments later my brother. We had a morning chit chat and then my dad said, "enzain Abdulrahman bnrou7 3gb shwy 7g eldfan" 

My brother looked at me and back at my father and just nodded.

I wanted to ask them about the reason for his death, i was unsure if i should but i did anyways, i turned to my dad and asked "yba shlon twafa?" 

Silence filled the fresh coffee filled air as they all faced me, then my father finally spoke, "7adth sr3a."

I was shocked even tho it was a possibility in how 3ziz might die. I have warned him several times. He's a year older than me because he failed a year so he's 18 now, but i have warned him, he didn't listen, now he's gone. 

"Oh" was all i could say.

I ate a bit and then got up 

and headed upstairs.

I started re-evaluating my life.

How it was and how it might be.

Many many thoughts invaded my inner peace. I had nothing to do but just lay there and let it devour me away.

[Abdulrahman's POV]

I watched my sister as she got up and left. My heart ached as i saw the pain in her face grow after knowing how he died. 

Usually when i had the idea that my sister might love someone i'll grow furious but this was different. He was there for her and basically pulled her out of a very dark, empty and deep well.

He maybe a smoker and like they say "9ay3" but that didnt matter because when they're together he isn't that 9ay3. He's 3ziz and nothing but that. He made my sister happy and i was well aware of that.

I excused myself and went to my room so i could change to thoub for the dfan.

It isn't a normal thing for me, to go to a burial, this was my first and as weird as it sounds yes it is my first. The only death i experienced was my grandfather and i was about 4 so i wasn't taken to it.

I didn't even care because i was a child and all i wanted was to play with the other kids.

Weeks after my grandfather died, my parents had an argument. It was so intense that my mother left us and never came back. I hated every inch of her.

I even cringe at the thought, that she left us for money. She preferred wealth and power over love and family. I was well aware of everything back then, they just thought i was a child and that i didn't understand anything yet, but i did. I knew everything back then.

Suddenly pictures of hessa flooded through my mind as i changed my clothes. My mother had her. I laughed at that thought, "No wonder she switched with shaikha" i said and just hh-ed. 

I didn't care no matter how much they looked alike i was still very happy to finally meet her and i wanted to tell my father about it. He needed to know. 

[Hessa's POV]

Today was my second week in this school, and d3ay had to stay at the hospital a little longer. That actually worries me because i was told they needed to do more testing and that they are suspicious about something, i know deep down that this isn't going to end well.

I left to school. 

As i was entering i saw 9gr entering at the same time with me. He seemed sad, but why wouldn't he as i remember last week, they're pretty close. I wouldn't blame him.

Shaikha didn't come, i think it has to do with the 5alaf. So it's okay. Lunch time was a bit odd and for the first time i actually feel awkward sitting around them. 

"Gosh this is so weird." sara announced. M7md chuckled.

9gr was emotionless.

"Mb zain chthe" i finally spoke.

They all looked at me. I started panicking i didn't know what to say.

"Latd5lain" said 9gr with a serious face and a more like an angry look. It's like i didn't know what i was saying. Like i am not meant to be around them.

I just looked at him, in total shock. 

"9gr!" Yelled m7md in defence.

He hh-ed and got up. I stood up and asked him to stop but he just left.

"5le he'll be fine" said m7md.

I sat back. This was all new to me, i mean i have known people with grandparents dying, uncles and aunts but never have i witnessed a friends death. I didn't know how to react in those situations. Not to mention 9gr's sudden angry issue's towards me.

We all just kept quiet i sat next to sara facing m7md. Neither of us went after him. It just felt wrong, i think we all should go after him and comfort him but i guess men rules are different. I really didn't care about his anger towards me it doesn't matter i fully understand why.

"Lat7aten" said m7md again.

I looked at him and nodded.

I do remember him telling me he's good at reading body language, i didn't know he was that good. 

It has been at least 5 minutes since 9gr left. We sat and talked about 3ziz and how he was. I understood many things about him and why shaikha and 9gr cared that much, and the fact that he's shaikha's cousin i didn't see that coming.

I'm actually surprised he's like the soul of this group. I wasn't going to let that destroy the happiness they had. 

I wanted to make things better we may have lost him but that doesn't mean we have to be this depressed over it. We should keep him alive by being who we were when he was around.

[M7md's POV]

My father was a drunkard, he used to beat my mother most of the nights. He divorced my mother then married another woman and left my mother and i when i was only 10 to rot alone, so we stayed at my uncles place, and he took care of us, provided us with everything. He is married and had a daughter right before his wife passed away while giving birth to her. Her name was Noora. She's a year younger than me. 

I grew up having no father around me. I was the only man that protected my mother. I grew up to never cry. No matter how sad a situation is i couldn't cry.  I became stone hearted when it came to emotions.

However, I always look at the bright side of things and push away the negative thoughts that's something i also grew up to do. If i had negative thoughts my mother wouldn't be as happy as she is now. 

9gr has all the right to be angry and sad. 

He keeps telling me that it's his fault because he dared him to be at his maylas in less than 5 minutes. I knew this would happen. He didn't.

Well i need not proceed. 

Yet it wasn't necessary to say that to hessa, she done nothing wrong. 

I sat there watching hessa, worry about him as i repeatedly kept asking her to calm down. I love how she's worrying even though he basically just said a rude thing to her. Then we started talking about 3ziz again, and bringing back the memories.

All she did was smile. She had the most beautiful smile ever. She may look like shaikha and it is weird for me to say it, but i think that they have totally different smiles. 

Call me crazy but i like her in someway, but then again i barely know her, so it is hard for me to tell yet. 

I kept staring at her, just watched her smile and heard her beautiful laugh and how her hair fell on her face and i noticed sara giving me glances indicating me to stop staring and that i look weird. So i decided i'll go and check on 9gr. 

"Wain?" Asked hessa.

Okay my heart skipped a beat when she asked me that. I took a deep breath to get that feeling away.

I didn't want to like her, i made an oath that i will not fall in love. Especially after what happened to my mother. I may be different than my father but i still didn't want to.

"barou7 7g 9gr" i gave her a smile and left.

I knew exactly where to find him.

It has been our grouping spot ever since middle school.

The school mini garden, right next to the kindergarden playground

So i went for him and there he was. Sitting on the grassy ground with his legs crossed and looking at kids from primary grade playing.

I sat next to him and spoke not a single word.

"Tt'thkr lma kna 93'ar lma kna kla nt'hawsh wgt ma nl3b kra?" He started still staring at the kids.

I chuckled and said "ayam ya5oi" 

He chuckled aswell and then stopped. He looked at me and said, "laish t7daita?"

I kept quiet i didn't know what words to say, he has been blaming himself the whole time. 

He looked back at the kids and watched them fight like we did.

"89'a2 w 8dr, allah katb mangdr en3'yr shy w kl shy lah 7kma mn rbk" i said as i watched the kids aswell. 

"Sh7kmta bl9'b6 laish ana ely gelt'ha laish mw ent laish mw a7d thani laish ana," i looked at him he was looking at the ground deep in thought i could only imagine what sort of thought those were.

"En6r w btfhm brou7k" thats when i got up. "Yala goom 5nrd mw zain el7zn 3l mayt" i told him as i reached for his hand indicating i wanted him to stand up. 

He smiled and got up. We headed back to the cafeteria, we watched as the girls were talking and giggling.

we sat with them and i asked "shttklmon 3n 9'7km wa9l lai bara3" 

"Geltlha 3n lma kna bnrou7 fog 9alat elgym w lma t7nglt 3al drai jdam klmn" she started laughing as if it just happened a while ago.

"Enzain bs my9'7k" i said trying to hide a smile.

Then 9gr laughed and so did hessa. It wasn't my fault i didn't know there was step, so i fell face first.

"Bs bs may9'7k 5ala9 msken" said sara i gave her a fake smile and said "7lfai bs"

I looked away due to this embarrassing memory that had to be brought up.

We went in silence, and we all were staring blankly at the table all of us deep in thoughts. I was myself ,and i had but of the slightest idea what was going in my mind.

"Asf" i heard 9gr say so I lifted my head to face him. He was looking at hessa.

I turned to look at hessa, she was shocked in an amazed form, unsure how to put it in the right expression.

"Makan g9di a39b 3laich asf" he apologised. I looked back at hessa, 

she was smiling and said

 "la 3ady i understand." 

We finally ended this school day, it went well. More than i expected. 

We grew found of hessa, we accept her as part of this little gang. We don't just easily like someone but she's different.

She left, and so did 9gr leaving me with sara. Well sara to be honest is hot, i have to admit. Last year was chaos for her because of all the boys that wanted her and all her problems with her ex-boyfriend but she's okay now. I myself i found her very attractive and was one of the boys but never did i say it to her face. It just felt wrong thinking it to start with.

"Well well well" she began.

"Wee shfeech?" I asked.

"You like hessa don't you?" She claimed. 

"La shd5l twni a3rfha shd3wa"

I replied.

"Don't chft shloun et6al3ha i know those hungry eyes when i see it" 

She claimed again. 

Wow hungry eyes?

Okay i may have been looking at her far more than i should be, but i was raised well enough to not look at a women as food or even as a source of time wasters. 

"Sara shd5l hungry eyes al7en" was all i could say.

"Don't play games i know that look, i've seen it a thousand times" she claimed again. 

"Assuming things and being sure are totally different things, w et3rfeni zain ana mafkr ebhl ashya" i replied, she was starting to get on my nerves, heck why was i even still here, where is that driver.

"I'm just stating a point of view chill"

She said while giggling.

"Whatever" i said without even looking at her just blankly staring at the packed roads full of parents and drivers here for the same reason.

"M7md!" i heard a squeaky voice call for me. What the heck.

I turned around to see lulwa a short, partially chubby, tanned skinned, long curly black haired girl rushing towards me.

I sighed and sara laughed.

"M7md shlounak?" She asked with a huge smile on her face.

Great just perfect.

"El7mdela" i coldly said. I don't know why am i always like that when i'm not found of someone i just end up being cold. I'm actually surprised that i'm doing well with hessa around.

Her smile is slowly fading i didn't like to make someone sad so i asked "5air yba amri?" With a smile on my face. She's a junior, and if i wasn't mistaken i think i heard someone tell me she liked me, but i didn't jump into conclusions. 

I tried to keep the conversation formal. It was a bit hard finding she's one excited girl. She talked to me about that they're planning a surprise birthday on thursday for one of her friends in this school and that she wanted me and the gang to be there.

I looked at sara and back at her. I thought about this thing going on now the whole 3ziz thing. I came to a conclusion that we need to lighten up a bit so i agreed. 

I and Noora reached home and greeted my mother. My uncle was there as well so i greeted him too.

"M7md yba t3al eg3d bklmk bmw9'o3 dgeega." Ordered my uncle. I could see my mother happy about whatever he was going to say. 

"Ent al7en a5r sna mdrsa, w ana w omk 8rrna en2mn lk sh3'l fe shrkty" he said.

What just..

I looked at my mother and she waited for my reaction to change to excitement and happiness but it didn't.

I didn't want to do business. I wanted to be a lawyer, i want to defend those who need defending. Like when my mother needed it but none was given.

"Wayhk maybshr bl5air" said my uncle.

"Bdon ehana 3mi bs ana 7ab adrs 78oo8" i replied.

My mother was aware of that. 

Right?

I looked at my mother she wasn't pleased. I don't like it when she's sad.

Especially that i caused that.

"Hathi 8rark w a7trma w shrkty mfto7a lk mta b3'ait." He gave me a smile, i smiled back kissed my mother's forhead and his. Excused myself and went to change for 5alaf 3ziz. 

@TheBlxg_

Questions or comments

http://ask.fm/LaBlogue

11

It was around 5:46 when hessa told me d3ay is in the hospital she assured me that i'll be told everything tomorrow.

Wow.

The moment she told me she was going out with him i didn't believe it i 

thought she was just covering up but she was serious. However, i was happy that she went for it but something didn't feel right.

I could honestly say at that time m7md had a thing for her. His reaction was priceless. I chuckled at that memory.

Moments later i heard my brother rushing out of his room so i left my room to check it out.

"7mani shsalfa?" I said trying to catch up with his pacing down the stairs.

He looked at me dead in the eye.

It was filled with shock and fear all together. I actually panicked at that.

He ignored me and rushed outside.

I called for him but he just ignored me and left.

Well... That's odd.

"Mama shsalfa?" asked my mother from the living room.

Oh mother dear i myself have no idea. I looked at her in silence and back to the door. That is the weirdest thing ever.

I went downstairs to sit with my mother and have little chit chat. I opened my phone to text sara about this she probably has a clue as my brother has a thing for her. I cringed at that thought they aren't together or anything but i didn't like the thought i don't know why.

Approximately 2 hours passed nothing from hessa nor my brother, and just as i thought of it my brother broke into the house. Well not literally but it felt like it. 

"Wgf mkank" my mother directed Abdulrahman, "Shfek shsalfa?" She asked.

He was in total terror. As if he saw a ghost. His face became pale he looked horrible. I was worried sick.

My mother got up and made him sit in between us. It isn't normal for me to see my brother like this. It frightened me.

"Yma" he finally spoke and paused. His eyes was looking out at nothing but the ground then he turned to face my mother and finally said those words "3ziz 36akm 3mra" 

My already pounding heart fell to my stomach. Did i listen right? Did he really just say that 3ziz passed away.  

I froze right there as i heard my mother shouting i didn't make out anything she said all i heard was my heart beat. One beat after another.

Yes 3ziz might be a jerk sometimes, yes he may be annoying and will quickly get on your nerves but i knew him better than anyone.

He's no just my cousin, he's also a best friend. When i was little i used to get bullied a lot for no apparent reason i used to cry myself to sleep, everyday i even thought of suicide but i know it isn't the answer and i had an amazing life outside of school so it wasn't worth it.

3ziz was part of it. He was with me from the start at first he didn't know, i told no one, i didn't want anyone to know and i didn't know why. Things got out of hand one day, so i was rushing myself to the bathroom after i burst running out of the class room.

 3ziz was skipping class that's when he saw me crying. He comforted me and promised me he will never let anyone harm me and that he will be with me no matter whatever happens.

He did i felt safe around him, no one approached me ever since that promise he made. I slowly gained confidence which made me who i am now primary was tough but here i am, having the best friends surrounding me, all 6 of them. Wait now we're 5.

That's 3ziz to me. At one point i actually had a crush on him. Why wouldn't i he was my hero. He was that little candle in the middle of a dark room. He was everything to me. 

Now he's gone.

I cried. When my brother saw me crying he just held me in his arms and rested my head on his chest. 

He has no idea. All he knows is that i'm crying because my cousin died, but it's much more than just that.

I didn't ask how he died him alone dying is more than i could bare. i'm surprised that i'm not hugging the floor yet.

After a long moment which felt like hours of mourning i decided i want to go upstairs. I just wanted to be alone. I needed to clear my mind. And the environment right now isn't helping.

Memories of him flashed before me.

His appearance everywhere whenever i was in trouble.

His jokes. His remarks. His cheesy comments. When he flirts. His smile. His laugh. His looks. The way he looked at me. I laughed it out.

And then cried. Somehow i think i'm slowly going crazy. 

I texted sara what happened.

Sara: "omg 3ziz :c"

Me: "i can't bare it sara it feels like my heart has been taken away"

Sara: "allah yr7ma gomi 9li rk3tain w d3ay 3sa allah yr7ma" 

She's always there for me. She knows what to say and when to say it.

So i got up and did what she asked me to do. As i prayed, i cried.

I can't help it, i asked god to forgive him w d3ayt rbi yr7ma w ythbta 3nd elso2al.

After i was done praying, and done crying. I went and texted sara again.

Me: "i don't want to go to school" 

Sara: "you shouldn't i'll take all your homeworks and assignments, and i'll bring them to you"

Me: "school will no longer be the same."

Sara: "true, he made us all alive, he's basically the candle of this group."

Me: "i know and he may have been a jerk and all sometimes but seriously with him gone it feels like a big part of me is gone too."

Sara: "you have all the right to feel so he and you were always one. Everyone knew it"

I smiled at this, and offcourse. I cried. Again..

I laid at my bed, closed my eyes and just slept. 

The next morning i got a msg from hessa it was about 9 something.

She told me about the accident and everything. Which made me grow suspicious over what if they both had an accident. I had no idea what was the cause of his death. I'll find sooner or later.

I told her that i'll be telling her something later. I didn't want to ruin her happiness. I didn't want to drag her to my misery.

So i waited. I heard a knock on my door and before i could reply my brother just entered. 

"9ba7 el5air" he said with a warm smile in his face.

He was still in his pjay's, i smiled back and got up.

"Shlounch?" He asked still smiling.

I just nodded.

"Listen, i know that you cried yourself to sleep yesterday, my room is right next to you, and i know how much he means to you , because he saved you from hell when you were in primary. don't ask how do i know this. I just do. Whatever he was to you, I will always be the same. I may have never done all the things he did because i was unconscious to all that, and it kills me to think of it. I love you you're my little sister and if i knew then what i know now i wouldn't let it happen in the first place. I just want you to be strong and be the shaikha that 3ziz knows"

I don't even know how to reply. My brother can be an arse sometimes but this... This made me realise how much i'm lucky to have him.

Without any words i just hugged him.

I didn't cry this time. At first he was himself shocked but responded with hugging me back. He tried to comfort me. I always felt safe around my brother but after this. I felt safer.

He's right. Now that 3ziz is gone. I should keep him alive by staying strong and being who i am now. 

I shouldn't break. Not now. Not ever.

@TheBlxg_

Questions or comments

http://ask.fm/LaBlogue

10

I looked at him.

"I can explain" He started while smiling. 

"How long?" I asked.

"2 years it was a mistake, remember my problem with my father?" He explained.

"Yeah.." i said waiting for him to proceed.

"Wellr7tatshaka3nd3thman"

He said it real quick. He knows how i feel about othman and how much i despise him.

Okay so the problem was about him driving the car without having license. So normally a father will get mad so he did and because d3ay is a rebel went to Othman (the worst human being you'll ever meet) 

he isn't mean or anything but he has a horrible personality when it comes to relationships and family and gives the worst advices. To prove it, d3ay is here in this hospital because of him. 

I shrugged, "Seriously d3ay what the heck"

"Don't get mad at me it actually helped me at that time then i just got addicted" he said trying to sound reasonable.

"Don't you think one second that i'll forgive you for this, and this smoking issue you have, you better quit or forgot marrying me" right after i said that i realised what i said.

He had faced down but as i said those words he said, "Wait what" with the hugest grin ever.

Dammit.

"Yeah you heard me." I said trying to cover for what i previously said.

"La la 3eedy" he begged while grinning.

"No d3ay bs drop it" i ordered. 

Thats when his mum entered.

God bless her. 

I just sat and chatted with his mum about school and new friends basically my life here in Bahrain. 

Then my mum and his sister came in with food. They took long what the heck did they buy. 

"Ha shw jbtw?" Said his mother.

"Yebna donut w sandwiches" said my mum. 

"Chnkm 6waltw" asked his mum.

"Ee wayd nas" said my mother.

I looked at the box waited for her to give me something because i was really hungry.

I went ahead and took chocolate coated donut with custard inside. 

(Fun fact it's my favourite donut)

D3ay just stared at us because we basically ignore him and served him nothing. 

"Enzain b59o9" he said trying to sound serious but failed because we all laughed. 

That's when the nurse entered for his daily check up. We asked her if it was okay to eat now. She said yes but suggested he waits till they bring in his lunch tray she thinks it is better for him than cafeteria food.

He disagreed, but we didn't listen to him and continued eating our food and loudly saying how tasty the food is.

He opened the tv and kept it on high volume much like a one in one thing.

"D3ay mama g9ra" his mother talked to him as if he was 6.

"No." Was his reply as he tucked the remote inside his blanket so none of us would go for it. 

We were all laughing and complaining then i said "enzain 3al a8l e7trm elmr9'a ely m3ak ent fe 8sm amra9' elglb latnsa" i pulled a serious face so he'd fall for it. I sadly failed at the serious part but it somehow worked.

He just smiled locked his eyes with mine and lowered the volume while still staring at me. I panicked because it felt awkward to have this moment in front of my mum and his.

We talked about everything in the past few weeks and my mum indicated that we should leave it was around 3 but she said she has been invited to one of her friends for dinner. Again very typical.  

We left and i didn't really want to leave having d3ay around me makes me happy and i think i may be falling for his charms after all and i'm no longer going to deny it whether it was real or just teenage love.

 It just made me feel like i'm riding a unicorn over a rainbow having chocolate fudge and i was going to embrace this feeling until my last breath. 

We reached home and i texted shaikha to start talking, nothing can ruin this day i'm sure this news won't be that bad.

Shaikha: "okay first of all u won't believe it because i didn't it happened yesterday around 5pm but i knew about it at 8 i didn't tell u because of what happened to d3ay"

She stopped a while basically was 3 minutes since this msg so i replied and said.

Me: "aanndd??"

Shaikha: "3ziz had an accident and i think it was with d3ay and he didn't make it"

What.

I needed a moment this wasn't expected. 3ziz out of all the people?

I was in deep shock for some reason my heart dropped when she told me this. 

I didn't like him but i don't think the group will be the same without him. 

This made me think why hasn't this subject been spoken about in the group. They usually burst my phone with msgs mostly 3ziz being funny and well a jerk. 

Things will change from now onwards i know it.

 

Me: "omg you're kidding right?"

Shaikha: "no i cried alot yesterday"

Thinking about it i was tearing up silently too, no matter how much he annoyed me i still can't imagine school without him and his remarks.. 

Me: "i am myself right now"

Shaikha: "school will be different"

Me: " yeah i can't imagine the group without having 3ziz in it he basically keeps us alive"

Shaikha: "he's my cousin."

@TheBlxg_

Questions or comments

http://ask.fm/LaBlogue

9

After what happened yesterday i couldn't sleep well, i'd wake up in between sleep.

I'm glad it's friday i can go and see him again, but the fact he smokes and isn't telling me or anyone wait no his mother and family probably knows, but why didn't he tell me.

It is long enough for his heart and lungs to be this bad.. 

When he becomes better I'm killing him..

i couldnt stop thinking about whether i acctually love him or it's teenage love, i'm not sure.

Besides i'm too young to get married.

I'm like almost 17 this is crazy.

I shrugged at the thought of getting married. I'm not against it in any way, but i'm against the getting married at a young age. I think we have lots of potentials to be in a commitment consisting of children and a husband.

It's 8 am, so i just got up and prayed.

I went downstairs to have something to eat, i ate alone. mum and dad weren't here. I sarcastically mentally laughed because that's so typical of them. 

I'm thankful of all that we have the money, the house and this life, but what's the point of all that if we can't for once actually be a normal family with normal breakfast and normal family time. 

My phone vibrated on the dining table, indicating i have a msg. 

It was duaij's sister

'COME QUICK'

I froze, i had the spoon in my mouth and i just froze. I swallowed my food and called her.

It kept ringing but no answer, i started panicking. 

I called 3 times i left it till it told me that there isn't any answer. 

I mentally started yelling shit. 

I can't just go right now.

And i can't just go we aren't living the american life style of hey let me just go mum won't mind. Yes maybe i'm allowed to go out with d3ay or talk to him but that's strictly friendship and well a mother approval.

I tried calming my self down,

But just started getting anxiety inside. It hurts more like my heart is being squeezed and like my energy is being drained, it hurts. So bad.

I texted her 'i can't what's going on you're freaking me out here.'

Several minutes passed it feels like ages until she actually called.

I kept quiet i just wanted her to get straight to business.

"Hello?" She quietly said.

"Shsalfa fa6ma 5r3teni?" I calmly asked. 

"D3ay gam" she said quietly.

I'm going to just predict she's in the balcony trying not to sound like she's talking to me.

Lots of mixed emotions right now crying, happiness and anxiety, this is like war inside of me. 

"El7mdellaaaa how, what happened exactly" i replied with a happy tone.

"Enty t3ali awal" she sarcastically said.

"My mum isn't here i can't just go"

I said.

"Uff enzain listen, we came at 8 am 5brch i dissed university on thursday for this idiot, and came here 3ala awal 6yara" 

I was basically giggling because she's one funny creature. It was weird because that's when i officially woke up.

"Shfech my9'7k, elmhm yena ohwa kan naym w 3l 8:30 he moved!" 

I had that huge smile of excitement on my face. 

"And a few moments later he just started murmuring stuffs" 

"What did he say?" I asked. 

"Madri it sounded like moaning and then he just said yo3an" 

What the actual.. That's where i just lost it and started laughing hysterically. I really don't know what i expected.

"Oh my god he didn't" and i just kept laughing.

"I know what the heck like you're in a life or death situation all you thought about was your bell-"

She went silent.

"What wrong?" I asked while giggling.

"I have to go mum wants me please do come quick ha" she said giggling.

"Enshallah Offcourse i'll come" 

I said.

"Okay bye bye" she said playfully.

"Bye bye 7beebty" and we hung up.

That's a mood changer. 

I quickly went ahead and texted shaikha about what happened yesterday, i almost forgot about her.

 Shaikha: "omg all this happened yesterday and i have no idea?"

Me: "yeah it was a dramatic day"

Shaikha: "so are you going today?"

Me: "i'm killing so yeah offcourse i am" 

Shaikha: "haha okay just remember to keep it clean we don't want to see you on sunday with blood on your hair" 

Me: "no it's okay i'm a professional murderer don't worry."

Shaikha: "okay once your back tell me i have something important to tell u it's not good news"

Me: "what is it tell me now"

Shaikha: "no no later love better i don't want to ruin a perfect start of a day right now"

She's starting to grow into me, it feels like i know her for really long Now and we only just met a few days ago. However, this so called bad news is making me curious. What could possibly go wrong now?

My mum came at 12, about time.

I went and greeted her, she was on her phone so she ignored me and went upstairs.

I couldn't contain myself so i followed her and waited until she was done. 

"Mama fatma called galat d3ay gam."

"Haih adri et9lt omha feni galat ttryana" she said.

"Oh so abdl?" I asked.

"Haih haih bsr3a" she said as she fixed her makeup. 

I rushed to my room and got ready i just rushed everything, didn't really care if i looked pleasing and to top it all of i was wearing my pjay's under my abaya i just brushed my hair and made my makeup simple. 

And i left my mum was waiting downstairs and when she saw me she just got up and left. 

I was like a child going to disney land, i'm so excited to see him i have no idea why am feeling like this, i know it's love but i can't help but deny it. 

On our way i had this weird thought so i asked my mother. 

"Mum laish tbeni atzwj d3ay?" 

"Laish la2?" She answered

"Let me rephrase that, why are u pushing me to do so?" She kept quiet. 

"I mean me and him aren't even engaged and you wanted me to go and have dinner with him don't you think it's a bit wrong?" I asked.

"But u agreed? So i'm not alone in this." She smiled. 

"True but only because you insisted. So why?" I asked again.

"You're old enough to know this, he happens to be the only heir to their business well not the only but the most eligible one and you know his father is a big petrol CEO back in Dubai, so when u marry him your father will gain in his company by joining with d3ay's father company. " She explained.

"Wait hold on so are you telling me i'm your free ticket to extra cash?"

I know that sounds harsh, but i had the right. 

"7asbi 3ala elsanch hessa."

She didn't even take one glance at me.

"I'm sorry but mum i don't want to be a daughter with benefits."

"Save that for later we're here."

She said as the driver stopped infront of the hospital gates.

"No." I said sitting and locking my eyes straight without looking at her. 

I felt disgusted and used. 

"Hessa nzli" she ordered.

I kept quiet.

She sighed and said,

"Hessa he loves you and is expecting you right now, do that for him not me. You have the right to hate me now but don't hate him he has no business in this." 

I looked at her and left the car. 

She's right, it may have sounded like i'm being used but after all this i'm not forced to marry a man that i don't even know. Let's be rational here, i know d3ay ever since i've been in kindergarden he's like my childhood buddy, but i'm not completely agreeing yet, i don't want to be selfish as well, my dad's company is falling down and this is important for him. 

We reached his room and entered.

There he was. Laying there. Staring at me. My heart is beating really fast it feels like it will jump out. I smiled. 

"Ahlaaan chan ma yetaw" said fatima trying to sound bahraini. 

I laughed and just said "don't." 

saw d3ay smiling.

Oh my god, this is the first time i notice how beautiful it is.

We sat down and started chatting my mum was asking about hows d3ay and all. Then she got up and said "barou7 ayeb shy nakla"

I stood and said "ana barou7 3nch" 

D3ay suddenly said with a smile "no stay."

My heart sank, i just froze and sat back. I could hear fatima giggling and then she just went with my mum.

It feels so awkward sitting here.

Then his mum broke the tension "Shlounch hessa?" 

"Umm el7mdellah" i said smiling.

She replied with el7mdellah.

There was a knock on the door and the doc entered.

"Elsalam shlounk d3ay?" He asked.

"El7mdellah" he replied with his sleepy deep voice. 

That i suddenly find attractive.

 Ok hessa ok. I smiled at the thought that he's okay. 

"Hmm zain zain el7mdella" then he told him about his condition and that he should quit smoking.

That's where his face expressions dropped and he looked at me and nodded.

"W ybelk enshala chm youm lain nt2kd ena mafek shy w enshala 5air" 

He just kept nodding. 

Then the doctor asked his mother he wanted to talk ocher about something to do with d3ay's health issues and other hospital things.

So that leaves me and d3ay in one room. 

Time for murder.  

@TheBlxg_

Questions or comments

http://ask.fm/LaBlogue