11

It was around 5:46 when hessa told me d3ay is in the hospital she assured me that i'll be told everything tomorrow.

Wow.

The moment she told me she was going out with him i didn't believe it i 

thought she was just covering up but she was serious. However, i was happy that she went for it but something didn't feel right.

I could honestly say at that time m7md had a thing for her. His reaction was priceless. I chuckled at that memory.

Moments later i heard my brother rushing out of his room so i left my room to check it out.

"7mani shsalfa?" I said trying to catch up with his pacing down the stairs.

He looked at me dead in the eye.

It was filled with shock and fear all together. I actually panicked at that.

He ignored me and rushed outside.

I called for him but he just ignored me and left.

Well... That's odd.

"Mama shsalfa?" asked my mother from the living room.

Oh mother dear i myself have no idea. I looked at her in silence and back to the door. That is the weirdest thing ever.

I went downstairs to sit with my mother and have little chit chat. I opened my phone to text sara about this she probably has a clue as my brother has a thing for her. I cringed at that thought they aren't together or anything but i didn't like the thought i don't know why.

Approximately 2 hours passed nothing from hessa nor my brother, and just as i thought of it my brother broke into the house. Well not literally but it felt like it. 

"Wgf mkank" my mother directed Abdulrahman, "Shfek shsalfa?" She asked.

He was in total terror. As if he saw a ghost. His face became pale he looked horrible. I was worried sick.

My mother got up and made him sit in between us. It isn't normal for me to see my brother like this. It frightened me.

"Yma" he finally spoke and paused. His eyes was looking out at nothing but the ground then he turned to face my mother and finally said those words "3ziz 36akm 3mra" 

My already pounding heart fell to my stomach. Did i listen right? Did he really just say that 3ziz passed away.  

I froze right there as i heard my mother shouting i didn't make out anything she said all i heard was my heart beat. One beat after another.

Yes 3ziz might be a jerk sometimes, yes he may be annoying and will quickly get on your nerves but i knew him better than anyone.

He's no just my cousin, he's also a best friend. When i was little i used to get bullied a lot for no apparent reason i used to cry myself to sleep, everyday i even thought of suicide but i know it isn't the answer and i had an amazing life outside of school so it wasn't worth it.

3ziz was part of it. He was with me from the start at first he didn't know, i told no one, i didn't want anyone to know and i didn't know why. Things got out of hand one day, so i was rushing myself to the bathroom after i burst running out of the class room.

 3ziz was skipping class that's when he saw me crying. He comforted me and promised me he will never let anyone harm me and that he will be with me no matter whatever happens.

He did i felt safe around him, no one approached me ever since that promise he made. I slowly gained confidence which made me who i am now primary was tough but here i am, having the best friends surrounding me, all 6 of them. Wait now we're 5.

That's 3ziz to me. At one point i actually had a crush on him. Why wouldn't i he was my hero. He was that little candle in the middle of a dark room. He was everything to me. 

Now he's gone.

I cried. When my brother saw me crying he just held me in his arms and rested my head on his chest. 

He has no idea. All he knows is that i'm crying because my cousin died, but it's much more than just that.

I didn't ask how he died him alone dying is more than i could bare. i'm surprised that i'm not hugging the floor yet.

After a long moment which felt like hours of mourning i decided i want to go upstairs. I just wanted to be alone. I needed to clear my mind. And the environment right now isn't helping.

Memories of him flashed before me.

His appearance everywhere whenever i was in trouble.

His jokes. His remarks. His cheesy comments. When he flirts. His smile. His laugh. His looks. The way he looked at me. I laughed it out.

And then cried. Somehow i think i'm slowly going crazy. 

I texted sara what happened.

Sara: "omg 3ziz :c"

Me: "i can't bare it sara it feels like my heart has been taken away"

Sara: "allah yr7ma gomi 9li rk3tain w d3ay 3sa allah yr7ma" 

She's always there for me. She knows what to say and when to say it.

So i got up and did what she asked me to do. As i prayed, i cried.

I can't help it, i asked god to forgive him w d3ayt rbi yr7ma w ythbta 3nd elso2al.

After i was done praying, and done crying. I went and texted sara again.

Me: "i don't want to go to school" 

Sara: "you shouldn't i'll take all your homeworks and assignments, and i'll bring them to you"

Me: "school will no longer be the same."

Sara: "true, he made us all alive, he's basically the candle of this group."

Me: "i know and he may have been a jerk and all sometimes but seriously with him gone it feels like a big part of me is gone too."

Sara: "you have all the right to feel so he and you were always one. Everyone knew it"

I smiled at this, and offcourse. I cried. Again..

I laid at my bed, closed my eyes and just slept. 

The next morning i got a msg from hessa it was about 9 something.

She told me about the accident and everything. Which made me grow suspicious over what if they both had an accident. I had no idea what was the cause of his death. I'll find sooner or later.

I told her that i'll be telling her something later. I didn't want to ruin her happiness. I didn't want to drag her to my misery.

So i waited. I heard a knock on my door and before i could reply my brother just entered. 

"9ba7 el5air" he said with a warm smile in his face.

He was still in his pjay's, i smiled back and got up.

"Shlounch?" He asked still smiling.

I just nodded.

"Listen, i know that you cried yourself to sleep yesterday, my room is right next to you, and i know how much he means to you , because he saved you from hell when you were in primary. don't ask how do i know this. I just do. Whatever he was to you, I will always be the same. I may have never done all the things he did because i was unconscious to all that, and it kills me to think of it. I love you you're my little sister and if i knew then what i know now i wouldn't let it happen in the first place. I just want you to be strong and be the shaikha that 3ziz knows"

I don't even know how to reply. My brother can be an arse sometimes but this... This made me realise how much i'm lucky to have him.

Without any words i just hugged him.

I didn't cry this time. At first he was himself shocked but responded with hugging me back. He tried to comfort me. I always felt safe around my brother but after this. I felt safer.

He's right. Now that 3ziz is gone. I should keep him alive by staying strong and being who i am now. 

I shouldn't break. Not now. Not ever.

@TheBlxg_

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